Suicide jokes

When someone tells me to kill myself,

Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

What’s the difference between emos and Hitler?

Hitler didn’t post on social media when he wanted to kill himself.

Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

How do you make an emo jump?

A cliff.

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

What did the rope say to my depressed ass?

~ Hey, you wanna hang?

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

I'm gonna jump to my death.

Don't worry. I won't jump far.

Just off this chair here...

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.