Suicide jokes
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!