Social behavior jokes
The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.
They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."
"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"