Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
Suicide Jokes
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.
I saw three people online on this site... Hope you guys will commit suicide tonight.
I want to di... dive! Yeah!
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
