Suicide jokes
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
I'm gonna cut my life off.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?
The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
I wanna take drowning lessons, but I can't find more than one session.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.