Suicide jokes

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?

The apple... the emo just hangs there.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Coff- na, jk, bleach.

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Is laughing a problem?

Laughing at what?

I want to jump.

Jump—what?

Jump off the hook.

What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)