Suicide jokes
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
what is less than 0?
my will to live.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?
So they can reunite with their dead family.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
I'm gonna cut my life off.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."