Suicide

Suicide jokes

I saw three people online on this site... Hope you guys will commit suicide tonight.

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.