Suicide jokes

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Why did the emo kid not cross the road?

He was waiting for a car.

I would go suck some titties, but I’d rather die from being shot than cancer.

What do you tell a depressed person?

Just hang in there!

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

Hitler is a national hero, he killed Hitler... Oh wait.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

"Suicide bomber kills 44 people in Pakistan mosque." Damn, that's a crazy K/D. He must be hacking.

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

That one depressed friend.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?

The apple... the emo just hangs there.

The man was dangling by a string!

I was jealous the day he died.