Suicide jokes

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼

If an emo kid jumps off a building, who would win?

Society.

Today I found out that my cat got hit by a car accident. Well, I guess I'm gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again. It's not like anyone will notice.

My friend told me to "hang on" when I told him I wanted to kill myself.

Buddy, I’ll be hanging for sure, just you wait.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

What’s a depressed kid’s favorite game? Hangman.

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

What can't you say to an emo?

Hang in there, buddy!

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?

He got hit by a train.

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.