Strategy jokes
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost 2 towers.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.
Fucking camper!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.