What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost 2 towers.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.
Fucking camper!
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
