Strategy jokes
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Why can't England play chess? Because they lost their queen!
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
Memes
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.
When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost 2 towers.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.
Fucking camper!
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*