Stood Jokes

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

One day little Jonnys is in class it is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid stand up." lIttle Jonny stood up. The teacher asked him why do you think you're stupid. Little Jonny said I don't think I am stupid. Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone.

One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in the butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there”

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

America Twin Tower: Hey have you seen the Malaysian Twin tower i have but only since 1971 to 2001 Malaysian Twin tower: I STOOD LONGER

I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever" my dick cooed. I looked down at it a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace

Two people stood in one room, the first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I hadda punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

A man walked into a bar with a ak-47 with 50 round mag and yelled out who the fuck fucked my wife, everyone was quiet. one man at the back stood up and called, sorry mate but i dont think you have enough bullets.

i never under stood school shooting jokes

i guess they were aimed at younger audiences

sso i was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids table i stood up and i threw a opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled. "25 kill streak" 🤣😂

The Fast of Ramadan

In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the left over fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pome-grants. For this was the sacred mounth of ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the momment after sunset!

A women waked up to me and asked me a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women cant be funny.

So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like your having a rough day, tell me about it?"

The man then stood up and became mario