Sports jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
What do you call a tall terrorist? Labomb James.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Mfs be saying Kobe is good at basketball cause he is 6 feet, ye 6 feet underground.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
What is a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.