Sport jokes
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They never can make it home.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? They don't know where home is.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they get love.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is. 😢
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't hit home base.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home base is.
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
Who is an orphan's favorite soccer player?
Been fostered.