My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.
SOS Jokes
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
