SOS Jokes

So my dad said to me and my sister, "Don't fight," but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"

Why are orphans so bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is!

Why was the stadium so hot?

Because all the fans left!

Yo mama is so fat, that when I unfollowed her on Instagram, my phone got 1 GB of storage.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

The image shows a split view of a stylish bathroom. The left side shows a gold tissue dispenser and a gold flush button. The floor is blue with white specks. The toilet is white. The right side shows a silver tissue dispenser, a silver flush button, a white floor with light gray specks, and a white toilet. The walls are dark blue in both views. The text overlay reads: "Why is this toilet so f***ing stylish?"

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?

Because Black people can’t swim.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

Yo mama's so stupid that she studied for her eye test.

Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”