There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
I lost at Kahoot, so I had to ka-shoot.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
Your hairline is so far back, Paw Patrol couldn't finish their mission.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Friend 1: Eyyy gurl
Me: Hey! (Fake smile)
Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?
6 hours later
Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?
Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
