SOS jokes

Yo mama is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches sofa.

I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.

Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?

Because they are really committed to their cause.

World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?

A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!

My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.

Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.

What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?

Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”