SOS jokes

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know what a home looks like.

Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?

Me: Because I love miners!

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

Yo mama so fat she made KFC go bankrupt.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.