SOS jokes
Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
Memes
Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.
But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!
I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?
So they can call someone "daddy."
Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."
Lately, Iโve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I donโt get pepper sprayed.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said Iโm so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.
Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]