SOS jokes

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away*

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!

Why were 9/11 victims so mad?

They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

Why do orphans want to be gay?

So they have someone to call "Daddy."

People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."