SOS jokes

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

Why do orphans want to be gay?

So they have someone to call "Daddy."

People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

Why is the mermaid so dirty?

Because she is a maid, mer-maid!

What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?

They are always so distant! :-]

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.