SOS Jokes

Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.

Why do orphans want to be gay?

So they have someone to call "Daddy."

Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

We ain’t got no new memes so here

A cartoon character with a round belly. The text says "when you spend a week at Grandma's".

My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!

People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!

So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.

Your mama is so ugly, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."

Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.

So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....

Why do orphan girls become prostitutes?

So they can call someone "daddy."

Yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it says, "To be continued."

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.