SOS jokes

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

Why was 6 so afraid of 7?

7 killed 6's parents.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.

Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!

Yo mama so fat, she needs two watches for each timezone.

Pokemon: Why was Hypno so energetic?

He wasn’t Drowzee anymore.

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.

Kid: Why, Dad?

Dad: So you don't get bored.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.

Yo mama so fat, when she went swimming, they found water on Mars!

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.