SOS jokes

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

Your hairline is so jacked up even the barber couldn't fix it.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

Why was 6 so afraid of 7?

7 killed 6's parents.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.

Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!

Yo mama so fat, she needs two watches for each timezone.

Pokemon: Why was Hypno so energetic?

He wasn’t Drowzee anymore.