SOS jokes

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Q. Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

A. Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they only got plane.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

Why is 10 so sad? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.

They’re always so twisted!

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cakatoo."

"Cakatoo who?"

"So, you're a Rooster now?"

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.