SOS jokes

I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.

Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Why is 10 so sad? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

Orphan kids only play GTA5 so they can be wanted.

Q. Why were the Twin Towers so mad?

A. Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but they only got plane.

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cakatoo."

"Cakatoo who?"

"So, you're a Rooster now?"

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"