Someone jokes

What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?

Boom! Roasted!

What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?

Someone gets hurt.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

What do you call an orphan who likes football?

Because someone will actually give him something.

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?

The Joker.

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

My dog died. I'm so sad.

It's sad someone has ligma.

How to know something won’t be fun:

Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

What do you call someone that no one loves?

An orphan.