A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!” A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?” The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!” Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have incommon their life dosn't last long
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair." Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year. Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry. What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? What comes after 69? Mouthwash. What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!" Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. —Pluto Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out." What's the difference between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A sex worker could wash her crack and resell it. What are the three shortest words in the English language? "Is it in?" How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? "Beat it. We're closed." A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!" What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts." What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!" What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask for directions. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? "It's not what it looks like." How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!" What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her. What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
Russians think they are tuffer than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this
1 USA was NEVER invaded 2 USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does! 3 USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass Russians 4 Our soldiers don’t rape kids 5 we have more Allie’s than you 6 we are smaller but stronger 7 Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
to do list
(one of my friends gave me this) Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn it's windy out here"
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops
What is an army members top drink?
WARter
Q - What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war? A - Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day
