What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.
Soldier Jokes
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”
Soldier says, “Mhm.”
Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”
Soldier says, “Really?”
The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
