Soldier jokes
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What did Steven Harkens have to eat?
His shoulders.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.