Soldier jokes
The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What did Steven Harkens have to eat?
His shoulders.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.
What did the soldier say when he saw a terrorist in a wheelchair?
"An RC-XD!"
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...