Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.
Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?
You: Yeah, but why so many people?
Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.
You: Dude!!!!
Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
There will be better punchlines at BlessedBrian’s FUNERAL than in his JOKES.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
Why don't booties get invited to parties?
They tend to CRACK people up!
Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?
Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈
I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
