I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?
A: Me time.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?
They missed the homecoming games.
What do you call a gay pride parade that was ran over?
Rainbow road.
Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
When in Poland people go to a house party, and the atmosphere is bad, nobody is talking, they say: "Is there a German here?"
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night they don’t have a dad to go with.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
