Smoking jokes
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?
Pot roast.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
Ni tshike mbangi bcz ani zaha toilet, nikarhi Ni hlometela out side loko tiniba. Ni hlometela ndzeni ka poto.
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
What do you call a person who smokes?
Smokey the Bear.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"