Smoking jokes
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common? They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
Do the French people smoke weed or oui'd?
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?
Pot roast.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.