Slowing jokes
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
Yo mama so slow, she took nine months to make the joke. Thank god mine only took 6.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Yo momma's teeth so yellow, when she smiled at traffic, all the cars slowed down.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast?
A Slowpoke.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
Friend: Why did you touch me?
Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.