Slowing Jokes

Anonymous
in Offensive

stop hating on pedos at least the drive slow in school zones

9

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

the bartender

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

XDAOE
in Blonde

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.’”

Anonymous
in Number

Read this slow : i 1 2 4 Q

UR MUM
in Depression

Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke

Anus McDickNuggets
in Yo mama

yo mama so slow she took nine months to make the joke, thank god mine only took 6

Evan

Say what you want about Pedophiles but at least they drive slow through school zones

Grandpa

My grandpa may be a pedo but at least he slows down in the school car park

Saoirse Corin Conn
in Snail

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow moving business.

jimmy savle123
in Offensive

stop hating on pedos at least they drive slow in a school zone smh🤣

0
ligma
in Roast

Comebacks when someone say Bully: Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic. Say: At least its brighter than your future

Credit x/@jesopa

What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast? A Slow-poke.

Anonymous
in School

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

0
Anonymous

Incest. When “slow down and apply more lube bro” REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.

Anonymous

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother. My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

Anonymous

So a woman walks into a magician’s toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, “what’s this?”. The cashier explains that it’s a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, “fuck me in the ass”, it’ll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, “fuck me in the pussy”, it’ll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, “faster”, it’ll go faster, “harder”, it’ll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she’d had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn’t. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hostpital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked “Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?”, the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn’t believe her, “magical dildo, my ass” he said, and the lady drove home.

yall really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! god.

Gwen

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks teeth?

A slow swimmer…

Anonymous
in Road

One day when I driving around our children’s school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.