Sleep jokes

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bed time."

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

Woman: "Sure."

Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

Woman: "What do you think I am?"

Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Sleep, but make it forever.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.