I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
You were sleeping, it didn't count - Chloe Foxwell 2021:)))))))
Yo mama is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
