Sleep jokes
What kind of pillow makes sounds?
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
My brother Taf likes to pee the bed.
Oh fuck no 💀
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
What time is it when you get home? Time to sleep.
Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?
Friend: But you're an orphan.
Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?