Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?
So it could have sweet dreams.
A father and a son were painting pictures together, the son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T and the son said "what happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle, the father replied with "you know what happened, you were there." the son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings - they're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
Where did the cake 🥞 sleep 💤 on the stove? In a pan.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn
I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow, but when I woke up my pillow was gone!
Stephen Hawkins death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.
They toss and turn to the sound of Thunder, but I got watermelon to sooth my slumber!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's dad said "that's Mr.wiggles". Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's mom said "that's my garden". Timmy's mom said don't look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said "What are those?". Timmy's mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don't look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
"A Twix."
why does adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed
x : morning sunshine y : oh, yeah 30 minutes more
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot Because they are high
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur: a dinosnore!
