Size jokes
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat, she plays ping pong with the planets.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"?