Size jokes
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk into a room, and the Alaskan says, "My state is bigger." Then the Texan says, "It won't be when it melts."
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.
Yo mama so fat, she plays ping pong with the planets.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."