Size jokes

You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.

Normal people have a four-head, but bro... you got a fourteen-head.

Your mama so fat she got in to the pool, the water got out and big mama! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Your forehead is so big, even Galactus says, "Wow, that's big!"

Yo mama's so fat that when Legolas killed her, Gimli counted her for two.

You're so short you could be drowned by heavy rains.

Yo momma's so fat that she plays pool with planets.

Yo mama so fat, she's bigger than the universe itself!

Yo mama’s so fat, she wore the equator as a belt! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Yo mama so fat, she's the reason why Slenderman has no eyes.

You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!

Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

Yo mama so short, she wakes up every day in a brick house singing “Everything is Awesome”.

My wiener's small.

Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon an old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad, shaking his head. He walked up to the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The old farmer said, "My mule, he just won't do nothing. He don't work anymore, always looking sad, barely eats, just sad." Little Johnny said, "Can I go talk to him?" "Sure," the old farmer said, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, saw the mule just sad, and sighing. A few minutes later, Little Johnny came out and said, "Your mule is fixed." The old farmer ran in, and saw the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing. "Thank you, thank you," the old farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon the old farmer again, looking sad. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked. "It's my mule again. Ever since you talked to him, he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day. What did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said the old farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule is fixed, sir." The old farmer went in and saw the mule crying, crying really hard. The old farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule? One day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying. Just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "Well, the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his; this time I showed it to him."

Yo mama so fat that when she went to take a crap... she couldn't even take a crap!

Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.

I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.

Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.