Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Short Jokes
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
