Short jokes
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
What do you call Aston?
Asston.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
It's not easy to make good pedophilia jokes, because it's a very touchy subject.
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
What did the other wave say to the other wave?
"Nothing, they just waved!"
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!
Poles are as straight as adopted kids' parents.
Why do orphans suck at baseball? Because they never could play catch.