Short jokes

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.

How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?

You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.

Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?

A: "Free Fallin'"

"Apple bottom cringe boots with the kek (with the kek) got the whole club looking at Shrek."

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

What is brown and sticky? A stick!

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

Who likes Fortnite? Gwen Stacy is in the game, let's goooooo! I love her!

Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.

What is gayer than man sex ring?

Not slapping the ass at Hooters.

Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!