Short jokes
Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.
Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.
Why is England so bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they lost their queen.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
"So what, ah, my G?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
What did Jake say to Peggy?
"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?