Short jokes
What did the farmer say to the doll?
You death baby doll.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
Magitat?
Friend A: Do you like Wendy's?
Friend B: Yes, why?
Friend A: Wen-dez nuts in your mouth!
Your teeth are so yellow, when you smile, you put the sun out of business.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
Follow for candy, kids.
Like for pizza, kids.
Comment for kids.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
These Afghanistan people suck at Jenga.
9 year olds can consent. That’s like 18 divided by 2.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.