Short jokes
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
Kids end up playing with toys, but adults end up playing with boobs.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Do you like all the jokes I’ve been “cracking?”
Meow meow meow meow :p
Will you remember me in 7 years?
(Yes)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned, and the steaks are higher.
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
I was submitting this joke, and I realized Stephen Hawking couldn't.
It had the reCAPTCHA "I'm not a robot."
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
What's the difference between cars and grass?
They both have wheels, except for the grass.
What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Borthwick's hairline.
Ever had a migraine? Yeah, sorry that’s my fault. Couple years ago, all my grains got loose.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!