I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.
Short Jokes
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
