Short jokes

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

Normal person: "I'm perfect!"

Goth person: "Nobody is."

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

I got introduced to a dwarf at a nudist colony the other day.

When we shook, the pleasure was all mine.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Stop posting things on orphan jokes, then!

What do call six gay men going in a war?

Rainbow Six Siege.

UHH, DADDY!

Who is Joe?

You reply back: Who is Candice?

They reply back: Who is Candice?

You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."

You gonna poop someday.

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.

She's not the only one who can play that game.

Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

What's the difference between a guy and a woman? They fall from different heights.

I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.