Short jokes
Damn bro, that calculator is looking hot today. It got abs!
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
What do you not bring to a paparazzi? A balloon.
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
What do you call an emo strip club?
Suicidal Thots.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Hey, did you know Paul Walker's gay?
Why do you say that?
Because he likes to wrap himself around long, old wood.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Your mama so fat that when you were born, yo mama gave you carpet burn.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"