Short jokes

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

I like dildos.

Just cum.

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

How is sports like regular life for orphans?

They don't get picked for either.

Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

Official orgasm donor.

What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?

My clothes don't hang themselves.

Why did the Roman not eat BBQ chicken?

Because he "wasn't a veggatarian."

Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld

How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.

My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"