Short jokes
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Let's rock and roll!
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?
Because I burnt it down!
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.