Shop jokes
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!