Shop jokes
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys' pants were half off!
Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?
He heard boys' pants were half off!
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.
Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.
Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
What is an orphan's favorite store? Home Depot.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?