Shes jokes

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus!

Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.

Silence...

And then at last she spoke...

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Do you know where Helen Keller lives?

Neither does she.

Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?

She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

My daughter is super smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.

Yo mama so fat, she doesn't need internet, because she's already WORLDWIDE!

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"