Shes jokes

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.

Yo mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Why did a girl like bananas?

Because one day she might need to be ready.

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.

2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!

3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.

4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.

5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.