So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
What did the cat say when she stubbed her toe?
"(Me)owwww!"
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Me: I call my girl Cinderella.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because she loves balls.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
Yo mama so fat, she died!
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
Yo Mama so fat, she has a Twinkie inside of a Twinkie inside of her fat ass motherfucking belly button!
Your mama is so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico.
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
