Sex jokes

Knock, knock.

*takes out penis*

Who is there?

Butthole 😎

Dick sucking.

How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

Nutty.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.

If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,

Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?

Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.